Day 8- Share something you struggle with

Before I start, I want to pinpoint the fact that for the emptied time I can’t force myself to stuck to something for too long, I am actually struggling right now with writing this challenge every day (I can see the irony here!)  To be honest, I really need to be far more organized and I wouldn’t lie if I told you that I do lack discipline (as if it’s not obvious).  I want to apologise, but in my defense it has been two quite stressful weeks for me, I’ve a lot in my plate, but who doesn’t?

Anyway, I apologize, now I can continue.

This 8th day challenge is quite challenging , don’t you think. We are all constantly struggling with something in particular moments in our life. Sometimes it is about career, other times it is the family or friends, maybe romantic relationship, the list just goes on and on. In the worst of times, we are huge ball of struggles and we think we are trying to beat the world against all the odds ( and believe me sometimes it’s far more frightening experience than  the Hunger games) .

What I’ve been struggling for a lot of time ( maybe three years so far) is forging a FRIENDSHIP with someone. And here I am not talking about a casual friendship with someone just for hanging around, but here I am talking about trust, empathy and faith in one another . To have many acquaintances or fair weather friends is not the same, it is not even remotely close to the relationship I crave for. Because I know what it means to have such a friend by your side and the feeling is empowering. I must confess that I ‘ve developed trust issues  and I definitely do not like it.

Many people would say that I should be more open up towards the other people, that I should try to bring the best out of them and they would do the same, but the struggle is real. But what you are supposed to do when your so called “best friend” turns against and laughs at your dreams, says that you will fail, that you will not be able to manage to do it, that you are wasting your time and that you’re chasing windmills? How would you react when instead joy for your success, you see envy in their eyes or when they copy your words /ideas and everything becomes so confusing? I think that at some point, you should draw the line somewhere (unless you are psychotic masochist). Taking the decision to end a friendship  is not an easy one , especially when that person used to be the apple of your eye and you trust him/her implicitly.

Now I have friends, not many, but enough people who I can trust even with my life (they know who they are, I don’t need to get into details). And I thank them for who they are and I love them. BIG TANK YOU  FOR YOU! But the wound is still aching from time to time and I am struggling to put my trust into someone else’s hands again. Hopefully, this would change, but for the time being it remains the same.

Thank you for your attention! ( Hope I didn’t sound to downcast and forlorn.)


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