My little niece’s favourite word is “no”. She can literally say it to everything and everyone. One day I tried to count how many times she would say it and I just gave up after a few hours, I just lost the count. But do you know what, one day she looked at me with her big blue eyes, smiled in her charming way and told me that it is very important to say “no”. I was just staring at her and wondering at her words and how much wisdom and truth there were in them. My 7 years old niece is smarter than me, I should be listening to her not the other way around.
But putting aside this, have you thought about the utmost importance of saying “no”? How many times a day we say “yes” and not “no”? It’s insane as if we lived in that movie ‘Yes, man!’ and our best friend is Jim Carrey.
We live in a time when we crave for being liked, by our colleges, our friends, by the person behind the checkout desk, but most importantly by strangers and people who are not so close to us. You can say that ‘to be liked’ is too strong here, maybe a strong sense of approval is the right definition. But why is that in the first place? Because of the immensity of the expectations we want to live up to, because we want the others to look up to us, to see us as an example.
And we say ‘yes to that request, to the party (which we know it would be awful, but we have to show up anyway), we say “yes, I will do it” to our co-worker, to our family, to our neighbour. And we just leave the ‘no’ aside, but we say ‘no’ to that cozy night at home, and to the book we thought so much to write but we just never do have time to do it.
Along the way, we somehow stop saying ‘yes’ to ourselves and we forget to remind ourselves that we need a time for us ONLY. Without obligations, no expectations, no pressure – just us and our time in our hands doing whatever we want. But do you know what else, we get angry and frustrated when the other people ditch us and say ‘no’ and do what they want to do. Because… well, here is the truth, they have the integrity and the courage to say ‘yes’ to themselves and ‘no’ to us!
And do you know what? They are more happy, independent and confident! They know when to say ‘no’ and when to give an affirmative answer to an offer, suggestion or a request.
It goes without saying that when you feel happier, you can fill up your potential quickly and easier, in fact, everything else seems effortless if we have that happy or at least satisfied state of mind. It is like being in a relationship but with yourself, giving yourself more than 50% , making a promise to yourself and building a sense of trust and commitment.
We all live busy lives, we have already so many commitments and responsibilities, but once in a while and a little bit more often it would do only good if we say ‘no’ to that person who wants to take us away from that cozy place where we can read a book or from that walk in the park where we can be alone with our thoughts.
I believe there is a saying going like this: “Never explain yourself. Your friends don`t need it and your enemies won`t believe it.”
So, why bother to make an excuse when you needn’t have to do it? Do not excuse yourself for needing a time for you. Just say ‘no’ loudly and clearly!