We need to talk more about friendships and how and why they fall apart


I remember the first time I came across the word ‘friendship’ in English, as not being a native speaker I found this word fascinating. Trying to figure it out its deeper meaning, and I jumped to the conclusion that it may mean something like you ‘carry your friend on a ship’. And if we think about it, the true meaning of the word is similar to it, we carry our friends on the ship of life while diving into unchartered territories.  But life is more like a roller-coaster, isn’t it? And our friendships can be like a crystal ball in our hands, imagine being on a roller –coaster holding it, exciting huh?

My aunt always says that ‘You have friendships for different things”, well, there has been a long time until I realized what exactly she does mean by that. The sentence sounded so strange and unfathomable at first, my first friend was a boy, I remember him from first grade, then after that before high-school I had another true friend, he was a boy too, it was fun, we played with Legos and Super Mario as well. Then I went to high school and things got tricky.

Strangely enough, in the time we live today, the pop-culture industry can swamp us up with definitions and stereotypes of how your best friends should behave, what we can identify as a typical behavior between us and our besties. For me, having grown up before Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to be the major trend, this tendency seems a bit overwhelming and disturbing. Do you know how I got my first best friend in high school? Well, ironically enough, she was one of the girls who made fun of me at first but then we found a common ground, the hatred towards our language’s teacher had no boundaries!(We are not friends anymore, but that’s another story!).

At the same time, we are not allowed to share our pain when we have to break ties with a very close friend, suddenly nobody takes us seriously. If we have to go through a breakup with our partner we receive sympathy and chocolate, but when we talk about a painful breakup with one of our closest friends most people just dismiss us as being too sentimental and melodramatic. (and there are no sweets or any chocolate). We share dreams, memories, ideas and many drunk nights with those people and suddenly they go, our relationship is not bound to last forever (even if it is more than seven years!).

Why people dismiss our pain of breaking up with a close friend?

Because friends come and go, and it is your responsibility to keep them.

Umm, is that really so?

I am still wondering and I may continue pondering over it for a very long time. As part of my experience, I can say one thing for sure, it doesn’t matter how many friends you have, what that matter is their quality. And we learn only through experience how some of our friends can be a bit ‘trashy’ and everything we can say about them is ‘a good riddance’.

But one question remains, can we go back to the point of where we were best buddies once we forsake our friends, once things fall apart. I believe in second chances, I choose to believe that people can truly change and be a better version of themselves. But sometimes it can be hard to forgive and forget, don’t you think?

It is not just about holding grudges, it gets deeper than that, it is about building up trust and suddenly everything blows up like a house of cards. True friends can stay with you in the best and in the worst of times, can’t they?

But people change, we change, like every day, little by little, everything is the same and just in the blink of the eye can be so different. Some of our friends change so much that we can’t recognize them anymore, and they can’t see us in the same way as they used to do it.

However, this cannot change the fact that, yes, not all friendships are bound to last forever, and secondly it is not possible to be completely indifferent to another person after “unfriending” him, he/she is  part of you, even if it is your past, and that ‘s definitely something worth talking about.

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